In one of his stand-up specials, George Lopez has a skit about Mexican’s always saying, “save me some,” if someone was eating and they couldn’t make it in time to join. I frequently say “save me some” in every day life, though I’m pretty sure no one actually gets the reference.
When I became vegan at the end of 2012 I had a hard time adjusting – both the detoxing of my body from all the animal products, hormones, and overall garbage American’s subject themselves to via diet, and also because daaaaamn, I love me some pepperoni pizza with tons of cheese! It took about two months for me to physically and mentally stop craving non-vegan foods. Sure, I still think my friend’s slice of pizza looks good, or the cheeseburger in the commercial is probably fucking delicious, but I won’t eat it.
One of the hardest things for me in my change from omnivore to herbivore was getting these new-to-me foods that were kind of special, and actually eating them. Here’s this spiffy package of all-organic, non-GMO, vegan, kosher, gluten-free food and in my head I kept thinking, “you shouldn’t eat that right now. Save it for later. Make it last.”. I did that when I was an omnivore, too. I’d get a certain thing I liked that was maybe pricey or hard to find. It would be a treat, so I’d want to savor it as long as possible, then I’d end up wasting half of it because I would “save it” for so long it would go bad. I really fucked up, huh?
As I changed my diet I found myself doing the same thing. I’ll get some really awesome chips that it took me forever to find, then I bring it home and don’t eat it right away. Now that I’m about 90% herbivore (I do eat honey, a lot of vegans don’t, and sometimes I slip up and eat bread, donuts, or a meat replacement that contains egg or milk, but I try to be very limited with that) I’ve gotten a lot better with it. I think I’m changing how I think about food and my association with food and eating.
I’ve been overweight my entire life. Not because I don’t know better, but because, dammit, I love food. I think, like many Americans, I have seen food as a reward (If you get all A’s we’ll go eat at your favorite restaurant!), as a comfort (it’s just me and this box of mac n’ cheese tonight. Awwwww yeahhhh!), and as something to do when I’m bored (Might as well eat this bag of sour cream and cheddar chips while I do laundry!). Now, things are different.
The change in my diet has helped begin retraining my brain to think of food as fuel for my body. I don’t eat GIANT meals anymore. Instead I eat about 5 times per day, ideally. Sometimes that’s hard with work, because I can’t stop working to go heat something up, but I do try to take desk-friendly snacks with me to allow for about 3 meals during work hours (including breakfast, because I am not a morning person and cannot wake up, get ready, and still have enough time to sit at home and eat breakfast and actually get to work on time).
A few years ago a doctor, of course, brought up my weight during a non-weight related doctor’s appointment, but something he said stuck with me. He said that someone like me, who has been overweight their whole life, sees portions different than someone who has been thin or fit their whole life. If you asked me and a lifelong thin person to portion out 4 ounces of chicken into a bowl, my portion would consistently be close to double the correct amount. At first I thought that was total crap, then I thought about it, and I honestly think it’s true. Portion control has always been my worst nightmare.
Today, with the help of using consistently portioned containers, I feel like I have mostly defeated the part of my brain that has no grasp of proper portions. The container of chili I take to work for lunch may be larger than a “normal” portion, however, I know I’m always eating the same amount at each meal because I made my work lunches a week at a time and they go into 5 evenly portioned containers that I take out of the fridge each morning. I can also tell the difference when I don’t use a portioning container, or I go out to eat, because I get full a heck of a lot faster now.
If you stuck with me this long, I appreciate it. Know that I don’t say any of this to point and laugh at anyone. I say it because this is something I’ve struggled with my entire life and I feel like I’m making actual progress with my weight and health in general. I’m proud of myself. No, I don’t think everyone needs to be a vegan (though it would be nice, because then I could find more things to eat!), I just think everyone should be concerned about their health.
Around 9 months into this, from solely changing my diet, I’m down about 45 lbs, between 2 and 3 pants sizes, and over one full shirt size (From a 2x-3x, depending on the cut, to a XL-2x, depending on the cut. I have big boobs and wide shoulders, some things just don’t work for me.) The only working out I’ve done thus far is one hour of weekly beginner’s level yoga that started in June. Within the next month I’ll be joining a gym, really my town’s rec center, and will begin by working out 3x per work, concentrating on cardio and light weight work.
I’m 35 years old and still weigh just over 300 lbs. I have never been, and will never be, a model or an athlete. What I can be is a healthier me so I don’t die before 40 from a heart attack, or develop diabetes, high blood pressure, or any other myriad of health issues that can come from either being overweight and/or not taking care of yourself. Most importantly, I made these changes to my life for ME. Not to “get a man”, or impress my friends, or fit into some ridiculously tiny dress for a social event I don’t care about. I did this for me, to improve my quality of life.
I’ll also note that I do think these changes have helped my Bipolar. I feel better about myself because I’ve accomplished something I never thought I would (weight loss, wearing smaller, more normal sized clothes), and that good feeling really does carry over into other areas. I’m more confident now, maybe not a ton, but a little, because I don’t feel like such a freak by my outward appearance.
Nomadic Head 