There are/have been a number of people I’ve been interested in over the last couple of years. I have this issue where I never tell people I like them for one of two reasons.
First, I expect rejection, so why put myself out there? I know it will happen, thus, I don’t let it happen. It’s not worth the self-hate. I can simply admire and semi-obsess from afar and not get hurt.
Second, I have this habit of falling for friends. Falling for friends makes sense if you think about it. You know the person well. You know more than the superficial “Oh, s/he’s hot” thing that most people use to find a date. In theory you know the real them and that’s what makes it easy to fall for them.
Once I fall for a friend I hesitate to say anything because by that point I’m invested in the friendship. Telling them I’m interested runs the risk of number one happening – them obviously not being interested – as well as the risk of losing a good friendship.
That’s the boat I’m in.
A guy I’ve been interested in for awhile, and actually told, announced today he’s in a relationship with some girl. Realistically it would not have worked, mostly for geographic reasons. He lives in one city and has a good job he wouldn’t leave, I live 5-6 hours away in another city and also have a good job I won’t leave. I’m not even disappointed. I’m a little surprised, but ultimately I’m happy for him, I’m just taking this revelation a little rougher than is normal.
I think it’s because I’ve had this intense desire for a real relationship lately. I’m still interested in another guy who’s younger. No idea where that’s going, if anywhere, and that’s cool. Then there’s a third guy who I’ve not known long. I really only think I’m physically attracted to him. I can’t say a real relationship would last long, but I’d probably try. However, a physical relationship would be fantastic.
I want to be wanted. I haven’t felt wanted in forever.
Nomadic Head 